When considering change or when changing entrenched beliefs, it is normal to feel caught between wanting to change and wanting to stay the same. This is true even if the choice or true belief “should be” obvious. Ignoring, repressing or judging the part of you that wants to stay the same often results in change that doesn’t “stick.”
Having a deep awareness and compassion of the aspect of you that does not want to change can help you address the challenges of change in a way that resonates with you.
Therapy can help you explore those parts by asking questions that help you get deeper into your experience. We might do this with you as a part of Depth Enquiry or through conversation.
However, you can start this process alone!
Step One. Describe the stuckness in one sentence. For example: I want to do more at work/I want to do less at work. Or, I think I am attractive/I think I am ugly.
Although the experience will be much more rich and nuanced, the stuckness should be boiled down into it’s most simple statements.
Step Two. Identify the aspect that wants to change/or has a new belief. How old is it? When did you first meet it? Does it sound like someone in your past or present? Does it have a gender? Are there times when it is more prominent in your life? Does it have any hopes for you? Is it trying to protect you? Does the protection have a price? Does it carry any emotions?
You can write this down by answering the questions in a journal, or you can be creative! Maybe you would like to do a zine about this part. You can draw it, collage it, or write poetry or music.
Step Three. Identify the part of you that doesn’t want to change or believes the old statement. The same questions apply: When did you first meet it? Does it sound like someone in your past or present? Does it have a gender? Are there times when it is more prominent in your life? Does it have any hopes for you? Is it trying to protect you? Does the protection have a price? What emotions are associated with it?
Since it might be a new part, or an aspect that has been less active in your life, it is normal for it be almost like a stranger to you. This exercise is not just about understanding the why of the other part, but it gives you a chance to get to know this part.
Step Four. Look at the issue you are stuck with and now write about it from the perspective of each part. Why do is it believe A or B? What evidence does it have? Why does it want to X or Y? Does it have any fears? Is there anything the part is looking forward to?
If you are struggling to flesh out either aspect, you can think about people in your life and what they might say. This can include people from the past who might no longer be around, pets, fictional characters or incorporate your spiritual beliefs.
Done! Now what?
Having done this exercise, maybe you can see what has kept you stuck and that may support you to address this in a meaningful way. Sometimes it is also enough to just go through this sort of process for change to flower.
If you would like support exploring this in more depth, or even if you would like a one-off session to explore this with someone, please feel free to contact me on therapist@thresholdcounselling.space