Have you tried going to a support group?

Said every therapist to every gender questioning person ever.

If you have ever been to a therapist about your gender or sexuality, you’ve probably been encouraged to go to a support group. Sometimes, it’s encouraged because you might be talking about feeling isolated or lonely, so surely spending time with people like you is helpful!

Going to a group full of strangers can be daunting. This can be particularly true if you’re neurodiverse. I’ve also known people to resent the implication that they need to or should go to people who share their identity label (trans) to find connection.

…and support groups can still be helpful.

I don’t encourage people to go to support groups with the expectation that they might make friends. Great if they do! But I think it sets a high expectation of the group and on yourself.

Instead a group can be helpful to:

• Provide a space to experiment with appearance, names and pronouns. It’s hard to know how something feels if no one is treating you like this new self! You need data.
• As a way to hear different stories that may or may not resonate with you, which can help you reflect on your own experiences.
• To normalise some aspects of your identity that might be causing you shame.
• To ask questions and get feedback.
• For hope.

Early on in your self-discovery you might be overwhelmed with questions, doubt and conflicting emotions. The support group might give you some data, evidence and experiences to help you start to tease out the threads and sign post some potential ways forward.